robjoneslefthome

i found a christmas blog i hadn't posted.

2011-01-29T08:02:00.000-08:00

the thing about christmas is that you do it every year.

so when you're ten, you've already done it ten times. and when you twenty...well you get what i mean. i'm not saying it's boring, not at all. it's kind of like watching corrie. you watch it when it's on and you get the same kind of result each time you watch it, but it's never to same, and some episodes are better than others, like when there's an unexpected twist, but it's still corrie. you know? christmas is like that.

so this christmas, was; well christmas. your bog standard christmas. i got drunk everyday from the 22nd through to new year, i went the pub at lunch time on christmas day with my uncle, had a lovely dinner at his and my auntie's house and got some nice presents. i went to james olner's on boxing day and played games and ate his left-over cooked meat and drank a lot of beer. and i went to stu's on new year and got so hammered the next day i just thought i was going to die.

it is a shame. cos it seems that because it's expected and not really that exciting no one makes that much of an effort. i mean the only pictures that exist of me over the christmas period are these two:

and they're hardly golden are they.

christmas is kind of a formality now. i think i like it that way. it's like: you have time off so you can go and get hammered tonight and have loads of fun - BOOM! - done. it's just expected.

i did get this amazing dressing gown tho.

christmas dress rehearsal

2011-01-03T08:37:00.000-08:00

why should the festivities of the christmas holidays be executed solely between the 24th - 27th of december? they shouldn't. why should you only be allowed to spend the time with only your family? you shouldn't. why should you only eat one christmas dinner? you shouldn't. and why can't you have two christmases? you. can.

that's what we did at uni, we had our own christmas.

although i wasn't feeling very festive (i don't ever feel festive these days) i guess it was pretty easy to get in to (fake) the christmas spirit what with all the snow and that five and a half hour day we spent building the igloo.

so, to get us started, we had an xmas dinner (christmas day).

the day before, myself, elly and james went to sainsbury's and bought two chickens and loads of veg for our mega christmas dinner.

that night, i rang my dear mother and with a pen and paper ready and she explained to me how to cook. she must have explained well, because the next day i was up at 11 o'clock confidently basting the chickens.

me and joe allam then pealed and chopped the veg whilst elly and james dodged any responsibility by going to buy crackers.

when they returned, they were greeted with the smell of my kitchen in nuneaton about the time on a sunday afternoon when my dad got back from the pub, when i was ten years old. it was a warm place.

so whilst we waited for the chicken to crisp, micole made mulled wine and we put on shirts so it was actually like christmas.

and then, after a long day of slaving; it was ready. and it was ace.

i carved the chicken like the real man i am...

and then we chowed down.

good times.

after dinner, i went for a sleep. it wouldn't be christmas if i didn't do that. when i woke up, james and joe were returning from london. apparently, after dinner they went to buy xmas jumpers, but couldn't fine any, so they went into central to get them. crazy lads.

the jumpers they got were for rebs later. she was having an xmas themed party as it's her birthday at some point near christmas. so we got christmas-ted up and hit the beer.

but i was so full, i stayed out for about two hours. who goes to boogie lounge on christmas day. honestly.
joe allam had fun tho.

the next day we went to uni all day and then started preparing for our christmas doo (boxing day).

when we normally have parties, everyone ever turns up, whether they know you or not. so we decided to invite just everyone we knew; which meant a good figure of thirty instead of an overwhelming eighty-odd.

we insisted that the boys had to wear ties (which made russell look like a car salesman and matt like he'd just come back from a football presentation) and whatever equivalent of ties is for girls. dresses. whatever.

everyone came down and it was lolz.

me and lyall played some christmas choons for everyone to sing along to.....

and then we got tooooooooo drunk and started acting mental; making chicken sandwiches with the leftovers, throwing chicken at each other and just getting well too pissed and acting stupid. i mean look at moe:

what the fuck was she doing?

james uden was just the most hammered ever and was being just amazing.

and then this.........

oh my.

by the time everyone had gone, we weren't tired. so me, james, joe, elly and rosa (who doesn't live with us, but she wasn't tired either) got in james' bed and watched home alone.

then we all fell asleep and woke up at eight o'clock with huge hangovers. james was pretty much spooning me and didn't care who knew it, and rosa was lying across the bottom of the bed like she was our family pet or something.

the day after the party was spent doing contextual studies work (in for the next day; real studentz we r) and watching the apprentice.

and the morning after that, i got the train home, for my real crimbo.

you made an igloo? snow way!

2010-12-17T08:45:00.000-08:00

it was a regular monday night/tuesday morning.

we'd been to boogie lounge, danced, sang and got truly wankerd.

but, at two in the morning, when we stepped back over the threshold of boogie on to the dark streets of epsom; our feet were cushioned with a thin blanketed layer of white snow. we. were. chuffed.

then we had chips and i felt drunk.

by the morning, it was much thicker. it had been snowing all night. i looked out the window and it was one of those proper cliche moments where you see the weather and before you can say anything, you hear someone else shout; "IT'S SNOWING!" that person was elly.

she goes to me: "have you seen the snow!?"

"yep" i say.
"they should close uni"
"why?"
"because it's snowingggg!"

after i finished laughing at how excited she was, she and i grabbed joe allam and went out to the car park behind our house.

that was fun.

me and james walked to uni for one o'clock and after forty minutes were told that uni was now closed and we should go home. the moment this information registered, myself and james text everyone we knew in epsom and told them to come to the park.

and come to the park they did.

after we dicked around for a bit; having a snowball fight, attempting to build a snowman, resulting in building a big ball of snow you can't pick up, pushing each other over (mainly lyall), i suggested we build an igloo.

some thought i was mental and doubted me, but the building blood i inherited from my dad was bubbling with excitement deep inside me. all i knew really, was that we needed to get some recycling boxes, then pack snow into them so they become building blocks.

our architect, joe allam, said it was a structurally sound idea and that with man power and dedication it was completely possible.

so we set to it.

we lost a few people on the way and had a few building tragedies but, after nine hours (yes, really), she was finished. and what a beaut she was.

joe allam took a picture of each of us (for facebook, obvz) and this is mine.

you can look at everyone else's here.

it was a pretty mega day. we got back well late and were very, very cold. we all had tea and then me and james watched the office in our pajamas.

the next day, around four, me and james went to see if the igloo was still there....

it wasn't :(.

north vs. south.

2010-12-01T02:08:00.000-08:00

round one: fireworks.

for bonfire night this year (and last year, and hopefully every year) i went home to do it all with my family.

i chopped wood like a real man, ate tonnes of food and me, my brother and cousins set things on fire.

back in epsom, i hear everyone went to this big hill to watch some fireworks and then went to ju's to set off some of their own.

both sound nice.

i'd give this one to the south, because i didn't set fireworks off out of my hands or nearly kill everyone like they did in epsom. but then again it was julius who did it and he is as north as they come. plus, my mum put on a mega spread and we got pretty pissed. yeah north win. (i'm not even northern really, just compared to how not southern i am.)

round two: partying.

during mid november, alex and matt had a birthday a couple of days apart. to celebrate this, 33 chase road had a mad house party.

everyone ever was there...

(i drank a crate of beer this night by the way and that's why i look like i want to end it all)

they even had a strobe light. it were mad.

we met ju's friends from up north and then alex got too pissed and we picked him up and sang happy birthday and pulled down his trousers and it was mad.

from that video, north wins.

round three: drinking.

the night after the party we went back to ju's to hang out some more with his mates. they'd been in london all day, even though they all got leathered the night before at the party, and returned with loads of booze they'd got from sainsburys on the way back.

we played three rounds of ring of fire. ring of fire means dirty pints.

in the northern corner!

and representing the south.....

(i'd like to say i'm sorry to al as he's been the losing feature in two of the rounds)

north win. well done the north.

kiss me - second year halloween

2010-11-14T04:07:00.000-08:00

i get this feeling that my family think i lead a very stereotypically student life when i'm at uni. my uncle pete reads the daily mail so fuck knows what he thinks. like each day i get up at one in the afternoon, realise i've missed uni, so i go back to bed for a bit, have a pot noodle around four, start drinking at six, eat beans on toast for tea, play some xbox, go to the pub, get leathered, go to a club and have shots; go to a party and trash the place, walk home and get a kebab; have a fight, steal a traffic cone, climb a lamppost and go to bed to do it all over again the next day. then every now and again i'll break a window and start a riot in london like a huge yob and misrepresent students everywhere to the point where people will start thinking we deserve to get raped in the arse by posh tories and lying liberals.

i'm sure they're really gonna give a toss about us now. the people that

were there for the real reason get ignored because of the yobs who like breaking stuff.

maybe this would be true if my name were julius schaizza, but it is not. (julius didn't go to london and break windows, he had a lie in instead).

so, when these kinds of days that are actually like this come about, it's a tad overwhelming. well that's not true, i love it really and would do it all the time if i could. minus the pot noodles; they changed the ingredients when i were like eleven and i've never liked them since.

halloween is a big deal at uni. it's the only real time people have an (kind of real but not really) excuse for a party. can't do xmas or new year so it's halloween.

so halloween isn't a day or night, it's a fucking weekend!

SATURDAY!

i remember saturday being pretty ace. i cut james' hair in the afternoon (a pure quiffed masterpiece. i'm sure, if you've seen it, you'll agree) and then we went into town for a cheeky charity-shop shop and a walk around the ashley centre. we saw a few people we know and they all complemented james on his new hair cut. why does he get credit for it? i were the one who did it, he didn't even want it. i just decided his hair would look cool and it did and now he's a big shot. so after we had dinner, whilst watching xfactor, i got james right on it to cut my hair. we ended up going to a party later on with the same hair cut, but people still only complimented james. woe is me.

the party we went to was a full on a halloween house part-ay. dressed up people, loud music, the works. if you read any of my blogs about parties last year, you'll know that when we go to them we tend to find a place where no one else is, and stand there all night.

we still had fun tho. and for some reason, about thirty thousand pictures were taken. i don't know why.

i can't really remember a lot of the night (maybe that's because it happened five years ago and you never write your blog, rob.) apart from that i had an in-depth conversation with lyall about god, i told some girl she who asked for my jacket that she couldn't because they'd be no point as i didn't want to sleep with her; and there was some guy asleep in a car outside the party we started terrorising.

on the way home we went mr. pasty. that was amazing. i think the reason drunk people buy burgers and stuff is cos that's all that's on offer. but ask me to choose between a donner or a hot chicken and veg pasty and there's no contest.

SUNDAY!

i don't remember what i did sunday until about seven o'clock when everyone came around ours to play monopoly and i cracked open a beer to get rid of my hangover from the night before. and it worked. monopoly was as fun as always; and it is always fun.

after a few hours we'd finished and it was time for another party apparently. i don't remember whose it was but i was a bit drunk so it was alright by me. we took over djing at one point which is always a fun thing to do.

my highlight for that evening is james uden. he'd been drunk texting me all night from this 80's matchbox gig at a gay club in charing cross. finally he tells me he's at the station and he's walking to the party and he wants me to meet him outside cos he's not sure where it is and doesn't want to walk in alone and all those other fag reasons. so i go outside the party and there he is; swaggering down the road like liam gallagher which a fag in his hand like some hoxton hero or something. james doesn't even smoke!

i was like 'why are smoking?'

'got a cravin' ain't i' like he's just come form a razorlight band practise or something.

fucking hell it made me laugh. i've been ripping in to him ever since.

MONDAY!

monday was wicked. me, james, elly and joe drove in convoy with lyall, ju, alex and matt to this fancy dress shop in ashtead. we spent ages looking for wigs and ended up getting four beauts. they were like fifteen quid mind, but we thought if we were going to dress up, then we were going to have to do it properly.

oh by the way, me. ju, james and alex were dressing up as kiss. yeah kiss. yeah i know; awesome!

after ju and alex rock paper scissored for who was going to get peter chris, we hit sainsburys to buy foil and tape. and beer, lots of beer.

the boys got themselves some tights and borrowed some leggings off rosa rooney and we were ready to go.

we spent the next two and a half hours listening to kiss greatest hits, drinking loads and rolling up tin foil in to pipes and cutting it into shapes and wrapping it around our frames. there's not a lot we didn't do with tin foil that night. in between, my hero of a housemate micole painted all of our faces to a higher standard that kiss's own makeup department.

here is an hilarious montage of alex getting caught sorting his hair out and looking like a right poser.

!o!z.

to top it off, everyone else looked awesome. micole was a bloke, although i think she looked like prince, elly a cute little kitty cat and joe allam whacked out the infamous banana suit again.

here is an imovie-drop-your-images-and-your-song-in-a-project-and-press-done-video-montage of us getting ready. cos there was sooooo many pictures!

we walked down to boogie lounge with socks in our crotches (to keep our money and i.ds, although it did make things look more impressive), full of beer and dressed like rockstars (like actually, dressed like rockstars).

we got in there and it was like we were actually kiss (i got a bit worried that, as improbable as it is, kiss would be there and no one would care about us). but everyone was fucking loving us. i got my picture taken so many times man. the whole night went so fast just cos i was having so much fun.

i didn't really want to be in this picture. mainly because i didn't really

want to touch this girl. i mean, she just scared me and made me a bit

uncomfortable. you know? can you see that? comments on a postcard.

we were having soooo much fun. i swear every time we went the bar we got a shot. which was a shame in the end because julius had drank a whole bottle of jack daniel's and then the shots we had just pushed him over the edge and he had to go home.

with three of us left, they called out the winner of the best dressed. they had three up there, us, joe allam and some girls that were named 'the prison girls' (yeah they didn't win).

WE DID! yuss. they gave us one hundred pounds and we were chuffed.

one hundred quid sounds like loads, but when you split it between four, take off fifteen quid for the wigs and then get hammered; you're into minus money. i wanted to save it to split properly the next day, but alex had ordered shots by then and no one had any money to pay for them.

we headed back to our house, and i mean everyone. i'd realised three of my four other housemates that were out had pulled (matt got with micole, james with this girl he met on twitter and elly with some boy called james smith (go on james smith!)) so i invited everyone else back to ours to make me and joe allam feel less alone and to act stupid. and stupid we did act.

we went into elly's room when she was with that boy, man i'm glad there was no arses out or we'd have been in loadzz of trouble; i punched russell in the arm for some reason and he was pretty annoyed, it was just silly.

the next day i was still pissed and had the greatest sausage and pouched egg batch in the world to finish off an awesome 52 hours. xxxx

good things about october.

2010-11-07T15:18:00.000-08:00

bar wars - bar76 vs. boogie lounge.

2010-11-01T04:14:00.000-07:00

around four weeks ago, about the time of the yearly freshers fair the uni hold in the refec, my peers and i had a new leaflet pushed into our hands.

last year, there was a club next to the post office called cevans (7's i think) and it was proper toss. i went about once after i'd drank a lot of vodka. it was this kind of dub-step night thing if i remember. whatever, it was wank.

but now someone has taken over and turned it into this new club, bar76. they decided to hold a student night, playing indie and electro downstairs and a mix of dub-step upstairs. this student night is on a monday.

now i know what you're thinking. mondays. mondays is boogie lounge night. we've spent most university mondays in that place whether we've wanted to or not. it's one of those places that you know deep down is pretty gash, but you just go out of routine.

but this new club, with its apparently better music and its undeniably cheeper drinks, sounded alright. we thought it was time for a change.

bar wars IV: a new hope

we say 'fuck you boogie!', not once have you sorted us out. drinks are over priced, you don't get enough people to come, the music is shite most of the time and you still i.d us. so on the 11th of october, we pre-drank at rosa rooney's and then strolled into bar76.

i was one of the last to get in. when i'd paid, a pissed and excitable julius schiazza ran at me singing along to this charming man at the top of his lungs and from then on the night was a gooden. the music might have been generic indie and the drinks might have been at cheap tasting, but who gives a fuck when a spirit-mixer is a quid and everyone you know is in one room? not me.

anyway, i got fucked.

joe allam took advantage of the drinks deals to the point where he went outside to have a sit down:

then went home to be sick in his bed:

and uden wasn't much better.

i'd like to also mention that this picture exists and it is the funniest picture of joseph michael allam i have ever seen:

mega lol.

bar wars V: boogie lounge strikes back!

after such a successful night the previous week, it seemed certain that the new contender would prevail every monday for the foreseeable future. alas, this was not to be.

we presumed after the tremendous defeat boogie suffered the week before, they were down and out with no coming back. but they had something up their sleeves. they held a rodeo night where the theme was to dress up as a cowboy with a main attraction in the shape of a mechanical bull. the boy and girl who could stay on the longest would get a prize of a fifty quid bar tab.

i was still in my honeymoon period with bar76, so i knew i was going there. but it turned out boogie's gimmick paid off. 76 wasn't dead, but it was hardly packed. i decided that even if it was shit then i wasn't going to boogie because i would have spent collectively five quid in entrance fees and that is a no deal. i had an okay night but nothing compared to the previous week (never try to repeat something ace, it never lives up to how good you remember it was the first time) and probably not as good a time as everyone had at boogie.

the pre-drink at ju's house was probs better than the actual night out.

i haven't even watched this, i just chucked my phone to james.

bar wars VI: return of the jagerbomb

after such a poor second week at bar76, i went back to boogie lounge. i would have loved to have returned to them and feel warm and welcomed and sorry i had ever left, but it was just the same old boogie lounge, only with an indie theme. so they played the kooks and the feeling and other stuff that isn't really indie.

elly got well fucked tho. this is really funny.

but bar76 wasn't much better apparently so maybe it was a general off week. although, this off week assumption isn't based on any evidence, even tho the week after (halloween) was well brilliant. (next blog, it's a goodie i promise).

so the winner? i guess it'll be boogie. there's just something about the place that's homely. they let it become shite for sure, but since bar76 came about they've been trying harder and so far i've been impressed, but it's ongoing and could easily change.

boogie may have won the battle, but the war is not over yet.

xxx

p.s this blog will not have prequels as they would be far less superior to the originals.

i had another birthday.

2010-10-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

so a couple of fridays ago, it was my twentieth birthday.

i'd planned to go out the night before, as the new slang club night is on a thursday and i was going home on my actual birthday for the weekend. little did i know that i was going to get an actual birthday the day before as well.

after i'd had my breakfast, i went back to my room to find my bed filled with balloons courtesy of joe allam, elly tanaka and james uden. i turned around, after discovering my new rubber sleeping partners, to see a head made up of half face and half camera.

when the paparazzi had calmed down, i was given some presents. i told them i couldn't open them until the next day, but was pestered into ripping into them by been assured that this was my 'epsom' birthday and it would be okay. so i opened them up and was pleased to receive the deborah curtis book off james and the collection of pixar shorts from joe.

after i got myself up and dressed, i headed into town with james and ju. ju insisted on getting me something and asked me to pick a dvd from hmv for myself; i chose the special edition of blade runner. we'd gone into town to pick up these hair clippers james had bought, so when we got back, as we were going out that night, we thought we'd give each other some snazzy hair cuts. it was either really gay or really macho.

after that, i spoke to fi over skype and opened a prezzie from her and another from her mum. i was allowed to open these early because fi was going to bejing the next day and wanted to see me open them. i got a cheeky shirt, lovely jumper and some toy story mugs which was ace. when i'd finished talking to her elly gave me her presents; a box of bazooka bubble gum and this:

lolz.

by the time i'd had my tea, people started arriving at our house for pre-new slang drinks. i even got some more presents; al got me the second family guy star wars dvd and fraz gave me...erm....some number plates.

he used to drink. he doesn't anymore. that isn't even a joke.

so yeah! everyone came around for pre drinks and it was fun. fuuuuunn!

then we got the bus. that part was fun also.

we got in new slang (i got in free cos it were ma birthday) as pulled apart by horses started. honestly, i wasn't very impressed. their live show was pretty good; really energetic, but the music was just pretty standard. proper poor man's hardcore band if you ask me.

anyway. the rest of the night was spent drinking, dancing and been silly.

i woke up in the morning with a massive hangover. i felt like tim harris was pushing his hands together but with my head in the middle.

i packed my bags after opening some cards and then went to uni. luckily, as uni finished about ten minutes early, i was able to get a train that was leaving an hour earlier than the one i was planning to get. that was a win. but sadly i felt like my head was going to fall off the entire time. the star wars thing al got me did help tho.

i got back about half three and my boy stu picked me up. i had a cheeky stir-fry with my mum and then went my tom's house with stu, ben, james and willet. that was fun. we had some drinks and then headed into sunny nunny town centre for my crazy (actual) birthday night out.

we hit the tav, where i saw some mates and got some good birthday wishes and kisses, then went to velvet (yeah! velvet!, i'm not mad about velvet so tom bought me pretty much all of my drinks to keep me happy), then we finished off at reflex. i was well pissed by the time we were done. we spent about half an hour wrestling before me and stu parted ways with tom, james, avers and ben to walk home. when i woke up, my hangover wasn't half as bad as the morning before even tho i was more pissed. sod's law.

saturday was pretty easy going, i watched my awesome born to run boxset george got for me and mowed my lawn. i really like mowing my lawn.

at night some of my family came round for a classic birthday celebration. my mum did her famous stewing beef with jacket studs (and also faggots at my request) and two different cakes so the ones with allergies didn't miss out. she's a good one is mrs. jones.

sunday i obviously had a sunday dinner. it was awesome. maybe the best one ever. the sunday before i'd used a voucher from fresher's week to get a five pound sunday dinner from spoons' (beer included) and mum's dinner made me realise how truly shite that was.

i couldn't go back to uni the next day because of the tube strikes (cheers boris) so i hung out an extra day and went to the pub at night to see danny boy.

that was my birthday. 20. that's not even old, but i don't like how it's another year closer to when i am old.

still.

xxxx

back to boogie.

2010-09-26T05:07:00.000-07:00

i spent a week in nuneaton with fi in china and then my big bro george drove me back to epsom on the morning of the 14th.

i was greeted by a still drunk james uden, wearing an i love mondays t-shirt with "i'm a fag" and "i love cock" written all over it in marker pen. i must have missed quite some night out.

it was no worry mind. as the next day was what i suppose is our now annual freshers pub golf. which means we only have one left before we have to be old.

obviously, i was pretty ill before we went out (when aren't i ill? i am alllllways ill) but knew i had no choice but to get involved or i'd probs regret it. i got to spoons and got right on it with a pint of lager. throughout this post you should remember that, because i was so ill, i didn't fully down all of the drinks. the beers took me a few more than four gulps but i did the shorts, shots and alcopops in one like a true pro.

we did all the same pubs as last year and all the same drinks too. there was this one girl with a FRESHAZ t-shirt or something and she was telling us to down our drinks and go to the next place all the time. i'd never even seen her before. she comes up to me when i'm doing the wine and goes "you've got to do that in one more gulp!" i told that i don't have to do anything thanks. proper full on she were. then she goes "if you do that in one i'll be really impressed." i was like; "yeah that's the reason i came back to uni, to impress some horrid girl i've never met before." bloody hell.

by the time we got to slug and lettuce (sixth drink?) we were fed up of the loser first years and the pushy 'DOWNITDOWNIT' girl so we just bought all the other drinks on the card there and left the scantily clad filthy golfer girls to get on with it.

my stomach settled down after a few (always does) and it was a pretty fun night. it was real fun to hang out with everyone; i'd definitely missed them.

true drinking heros of the night were, as expected, ju, but unexpectedly, elly and rich! they were awesome. rich's strategy was to stare at his drink for about 20 minutes, like he was getting in the zone, and then just go for it.

amazing.

elly just downed a drink, screamed a bit and then did the next one. good times.

the next few weeks were spent just hanging out during the days and drinking at night. we're in limbo 'cos none of us had any money yet but then we didn't have uni either. so we were at loose ends.

me and ju spent our time writing songs together. hopefully we're gonna start a band and then get signed so fast that we can quit uni and have guitar shaped swimming pools.

after pub golf wednesday, we had boogie's army night on monday. that was pretty freshery. i swear it wasn't like that last year when we did it. it was insane. people everywhere. sluty girls and wanky dressed hipsters. mad. ju had pre drinks and it was a bit mental down his house.

the wednesday after was karaoke. we had pre drinks at rosa's but as we were crossing the road to the pub someone threw an egg from a moving car. and it hit me. and egg! who throws an egg. luckily tho, it only got my jumper (zip up so i didn't have to pull over my head) and as i live so close to town it didn't really make a difference. still. and egg!

the day after we hit new slang for brontide. they were ace, as always, and tall ships, who headlined, were pretty good too. i'd seen tall ships support tubelord about a year earlier and they didn't really know what they were doing then but i think they've found their sound a bit more now. good for them. they also covered ronan keating and craig david. which was nice.

and then another monday! mustache party, so everyone had to draw one on their face (or cop out like most people and draw one on their finger). i got well pissed that night. i was in an horrendous mood and just got leathered.

but in between all of this drinking we did do sober things too. we went to the pictures a few times (never see the town, ben affleck = cunt), watched a lot of tv, movies, played fifa, had a major fun football session in the park and i cooked loads of ace food out of pure boredom.

birthday soooooon. x

summer so far: part 3 (the end)

2010-09-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

so, after fi graduated life could be described as ordinary. mainly because it revolved around watching films, hanging with stu and tom, hanging with fi and going out and getting drunk at the same places i've been going out and getting drunk at for years. but believe it or not, i love that.

a large part of me just loves going down the tav at half 8 on a wednesday and knowing i can have a drink and a chat with someone. i fucking love it.

at one point, fi's parents went on holiday for a week and a half and we just lived at hers like it was our own house. like a mini holiday. i cooked her steak, she cooked me bolognese, we watched the godfather and a few other movies, played a bit of upwords and just hung out with each other. i fucking loved it. part of me wants to be thirty-odd and have a routine and a secure life. boring you may think but it appeals to me man.

this in mind, one out of the ordinary thing that happened this summer happened to fi. after graduation, she went back to topshop until she could find a job that had something to do with her degree. well it didn't take long. she got offered a work placement in china for the design company RADDISHMe. they design stuff for parda and other fancy companies so it was a pretty big deal. they said they'd pay for everything too so it was a pretty mint opportunity. she took the placement and was to leave on the 2nd of september, she'll be gone until the second of december. bummer for me.

so from then on we kind of felt we were counting down the days. so we hung out lots and got drunk and stuff and had general fun (sex).

on the 7th of august there was an all day charity gig at (you guessed it) the tav. i played with helplines which was fun. always nice getting back together. we'd played a cheeky gig the week before at some pub in nuneaton so we were pretty rehearsed for a change.

it was a fun day. i got there at four and just got mega pissed up. alllllll day long. stopping only to get pasta pots from asda.

beth took this because she said it was too cute to pass up.

ace. pretty much every nuneaton band ever played. and i think because we're all a bit older now we've all got quite good and the standard was pretty fucking high. highlights were easily effers, who i haven't seen in forever, and idle playthings; but everyone was cracking really.

and, again, here stuff starts fading into one. just all my regular sumer business: films, pub, friends and fi. we'd hit reflex:

and once we even went to velvet!

for those of you who don't know, velvet is a new 'club' in nuneaton which plays big thumping choons and attracts nuneaton's doleys with their two for one drinks offers weekly. the ceiling is also (or looks like) it's covered in velvet. it's not actual velvet, i know this because my uncle allan did the upholstery for it.

so at the beginning of september, it came the time for fi to leave for china. we went out for a meal the night before and hung out and stuff and then in the morning we said out goodbyes. it's going to be strange, we've never been apart longer than two weeks before.

by semtember 4th it was time for another charity gig. september 4th would have been mat's 21st birthday. so his cousin, claire, his girlfriend, laura, and his family put on a gig to raise money for cancer research. the charity of choice personally made me happy, but it was chosen because some of mats family had been through it like so many others have to.

the day was unbelievably different to the charity gig a month before. all of the bands that played were friends of mat's which was a real nice touch. joel, who was in 6ft stupid with mat back in the day, didn't want to reform the band without him for the gig, so me and him simply played some songs we know mat liked. some libs, rancid, alkaline trio and without or without you by U2. maybe the latter was a tad bad taste but we thought we had to play it. it was played at his funeral and i honestly just wanted everyone to remember why they were there. everyone cried when we did it and when i came off from playing even i burst into tears because of how prominent it was that mat wasn't there. heartbreaker man.

the rest of the day was proper up and down emotion wise. apart from the bands there was leg waxing, face painting and other fund raising stuff going on. this girl i knew from college got her head shaved and i'm pretty sure some douche bag got his balls waxed.

there's something unbelievably sweet about this picture.

so after an emotionally pissed up day with people i love (bar fi), together everyone raised £2200. i'm sorry but that's fucking brilliant really isn't it.

after that, all i had to do was go back to epsom.

end of summer.

summer so far: part 2

2010-08-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

i was at home for about a week and a half after mat died. i spent the time mainly by myself. i'd go out at night to the pub with everyone and stuff, but during the day i kept myself to myself. i went for walks, watched films, saw fi and just hung out. i'm glad i did.

i went back to uni with fi to grab anything i'd left the weekend before mat's funeral. it was nice to spend some time with fi and also see everyone else who was at uni. it was my boy joe allam's birthday on the monday (june 7th) so we all went out and had a mega steak and drank some beers. that was nice cos i love joe allam. me and elly bought him loads of sweets and a worlds greatest dad plaque.

the day before that was the rage factor gig in finsbury park and me and james had tickets for it. sadly tho, i went absolutely insane and whilst fi was out in london doing fashion graduate stuff i sat in bed and got drunk until she came home to look after me. not my finest moment. but james went with some others and said it was rockin!

lolz.

i went back on the 8th for mat's funeral on the 10th of june. this meant i missed fi's show in london. she was at graduate fashion week with her awesome bags and shoes she made. i saw all of her stuff when she finally brought it back after it had done the rounds of all the important people that wanted to see it.

see it's ace. forever proud.

mat's funeral was twelve-hour long limbo of mixed emotion, as most funerals are. after the church service, the crematorium service, the wake and then the pub, i was quite obviously exhausted. my mum made me a sandwich at about half eleven when i got in and i fell asleep in my shirt and trousers.

the rest of the summer begins to fade into itself here. i hit the pub and reflex a few times and just generally hung with my homies. it was fun to be able to just pop round stu's and fi's whenever i wanted and live the easy life. i got to hang with my bro (genetically related bro, not like stu or joe allam) and help take care of everything going on in the house if you get me.

another highlight was going to godiva fest at the start of july. godiva is this free festival in cov they do once a year. it's pretty ace. i've not been since 2007 when cribs played and i got well drunk and ryan jarman stage dived on to my face. since then they have stopped you bringing beer into the park which is bullshit and probs why i've not been for a while. but we stepped out to see our mates idle play things on the main stage.

it was a pretty fun day. james got reeeaaaalllllyyyyy pissed up on cider and tried to fight pretty much everyone.

moments before james laid the smack down on chris.

fucked on tha way homee.

also at some point in the summer, fi found she got a first for her degree. i knew she would as well, so i'll take some credit. also, she based her products around canals and their designs after i took her to a restaurant by a canal. so really i get part of the first don't i? at least a bit of it? no.

so then came her graduation in northampton on the 16th of july. i worse a nice shirt and a cardy and fi worse a nice dress she bought but you sadly couldn't see cos she was kind of swamped in her graduation hat and gown cos she is so tiny.

i was dead proud anyway.

summer so far: part 1

2010-08-04T05:03:00.000-07:00

hey everyone.

i'm aware it's been about a month or so since i've done an update and there is a very good reason for this.

when i blog at uni, i'm pretty much recounting stories of brand new events and brand new experiences with brand new people in my life. whilst at uni, even if i do a post once every tuesday morning about boogie lounge the night before, i am usually posting about something new that happened 'cos i guess everyone (including me) is still in that honeymoon period of uni where everything and anything is exciting.

so when i'm at home, not a great deal is a new experience (although that's not a bad thing. home is where my heart is) and i suppose that's why i don't feel the need to write about it all of the time for all to see.

so i decided that over summer i would do an update every now and again about what's been going on in my life at home. it'll be more interesting this way. this is the first part of i don't know how many.

i'm gonna start on a pretty low note.

on the last day of term, my 27th, which was the day all the broadcasting groups showcased their work (check my group's out 'cos it's amazing), i got a phone call at 8.50am from my mate dan and he told my our mate mat had been hit by a car and killed. i want to say straight away that i really hate stuff on the internet about people that have died, it's real bad taste. every time someone wrote on my facebook wall to say that they were sorry to hear about my dad i deleted it 'cos it just doesn't seem cool to have it sitting there. i hate it when people put r.i.p in their status 'cos it's too easy to do, people should go and see people and not show how they feel via the internet. anyone can do that and i don't think it shows that you care by writing a short sentence just so everyone sees it. but i'm gonna ignore this just once 'cos i know a fair amount of people follow my blog and i want to talk about how much of a cool guy my friend mat was.

so i missed my last day of uni and went home. i got in and went to the pub where a massive bunch of my mates, and obviously people i didn't know that were mat's friends, had congregated after they had heard the news. it was an awful day and i'll never forget how many people were there because of how much he meant to them for as long as i live.

i'd known mat since i was about 15. it was a time when shit, nuneaton punk bands would play most fridays and saturdays at the wheatsheaf pub in abbey green and he was in probably one of the coolest, but not the best. he was in 6ft stupid with one of my now best friends, joel, and i was in a band called can't say no. our bands had played together and he was always down there, so i guess that's how i knew him.

that's him back then with our friend alice.

when i finished school i went to do a music b-tec at college. mat was already there because he was a year older but had done a foundation year, so when i got there we were in the same school year and the same class for the next two years. over those two years he became a real great friend. mat, dan and i would really only hang out with each other and be generally bitter towards everyone and make fun of people and each other. we'd dick around in class, play songs we thought were fun if we were ever lucky enough to be in bands together and play football at lunch. at the end of the two years we were told to put any band we wanted together to play an end of year college festival. the three of us played as blink-18 oooo, a blink-182 tribute act. life was pretty easy going.

college. (top:me and mat. bottom: dan and noel)

from almost immediately in first year, i started going down the railway tav religiously on a wednesday and friday with him and joel. all of my best memories of mat are from this time and i miss it loads. although uni is great, i really enjoyed having a secure and almost routine like life. i had a job, a secure family life, i went to college every day, plus a local pub filled with friends i could reply on. now i seem to be going to and from places a lot which makes it hard to maintain solid friendships and feel grounded.

my favorite time with mat was when we hosted a reunion at the wheatsheaf. some time back, the pub had lost its music license (well the police found out they didn't have one) so all the bands had to stop playing there. so when we were in second year college, we found out they had got the license back and we wanted to be the first ones to do a gig. we got all of the old bands that had broken up back together, both of ours included, and hosted a show for a cheap as possible. it was an amazing night and me and mat were well proud we were the ones who did it.

sheaf reunion

i'd never say we were super best friends, we both had other people in our lives that we closer with, but we were defiantly close. a lot of people do that awful kind of thing where they jump on the grief bandwagon and make out to people that they were a lot closer to someone than they actually were, just because that person has died. i really don't wanna do that. my friend, joel, and mat's other best mate, dave, got tattoos in honor of his memory. i'm never gonna go that far, but he definitely meant a great deal to me and i'll miss a fuck ton. he was one of the funniest people i've ever met and it's so bullshit that he's gone.

dave's tattoo on his leg of the 'nuneaton knight' mat drew.

after going to see his mum, speaking to his girlfriend and going to his funeral, it became pretty clear to everyone what a massive hole he is going to leave.

i'm not going to write about what happened with my summer after this 'cos it doesn't seem right.

'squallyoaks' a shake that bear production

2010-06-11T11:36:00.001-07:00

remember the who will win the world cup video my broadcasting group at uni made? well this is our final three minute production aimed at the late afternoon, channel four demographic of britain (that's people who watch deal or no deal and come dine with me).

it's called squallyoaks (i came up with the name and i'm aware it's brilliant) and it's a short feature about filthy student living, something i guess we all know quite a lot about one way or another.

we had loads of fun filming it and got well stressed editing it, but the most rewarding things in life come after struggle i suppose.

so this is our video and i've also tried to track down some other groups' videos too. i'm in the first one drunk on the bus to kingston telling a made up story about how i shoved a stella bottle up someone's arse. nice.

shhhhhhhhhhake that bear!

well done everyone :) x

everyone gets drunk and jumps in the pond

2010-06-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

so hiii.

last monday was the last monday night out at uni before the end of term. we thought we'd make a bit of a thing of it, so as the sun was shining we had a pre-drinks bbq at our house.

i was the man with the meat and i was awesome. you know dads at bbqs? ordering everyone around and forcing food down peoples necks even if they don't want anything? cooking far too much and getting pissed in front of a fire? yeah that was me.

so after i cooked all the food everyone brought with them, we drank some more beers and went inside as it began to get a tad nippy. everyone is well pissed up by this time as we'd been drinking since dinner time.

we hit spoons at about half ten. HALF TEN! how early is that!? i'm so drunk i've quiffed my hair to go out 'cos i'd been listening to the smiths and i'm in my vest and jacket 'cos ju insisted i looked really cool.

evidently; i did not look cool. i looked a bit like a pikey.

after four double southern comforts the boys are all smashed and trying to out do each other with the glasses they can get off the barmaid and ju is been rebellious by smoking inside.

shown here in these pictures and in elly's very high quality video:

the night is a bit of a blur from now on if i am to be honest. we obviously made it to boogie lounge but what happened whilst we were there remains a mystery to me.

these pictures indicate i (like everyone else) was a little worse for wear.

suddenly the lights are on and we're all outside wondering what to do. there's a lot of drunk kids, and one of them decides everyone is going to go to the park to jump in the pond.

naturally everyone follows.

sadly tho, not everyone jumps in. it's only ju and moe (and moe is thrown in by ju) who get wet.

i fucking love this:

the next morning i literally couldn't see or eat. i felt like such a huge bag of toss it was unbelievable. well not unbelievable, i could believe it; but i was not happy about it.

i sobered up around three i guess and managed some food around six.

after that me and joe watched a new hope because he had never seen any star wars films. i completely do not know how that is possible but it's true. so we whacked that on and then watched blue harvest for funsies. joe said he understood the story more form the family guy version but he can fuck off. he'll understand when he watches empire.

babe.

drowning in oceana for elly's birthday

2010-05-26T02:52:00.000-07:00

two short days after this, it was time to hit the town again for a night out celebrating elly's nineteenth birthday.

she'd decided a week or so prior that we'd be going to the oceana nightclub in kingston. i've never been to an oceana, they're really mega and have about seven rooms. i'll admit i was a tad worried the musk of testosterone and the large amount of lyle and scott would frighten me into playing on the punch bag game, whilst downing shots and grinding up girls on the dance floor just to seem manly. thankfully tho; it was pretty alright.

on the afternoon of the same day; joe, rosa, laura suttle and i sat and waited in our kitchen for elly to come back from uni so we could surprise her with cakes and gifts.

i was naughty and had a bit of one of laura's cup cakes even tho i can't eat stuff with dairy in it. i didn't care cos they were soooooooooooo good.

suddenly it's pre-drinks time and everyone has flocked round ours to shower elly in love and presents and birthday wishes.

james uden drank a bottle of wine and then did some whiskey shots like the pro he is. he was hammered before we even got on the bus and i'm pretty sure at one point he informed me he could no longer see.

i love that guy.

we got the bus around 10:45 and were there in time to get in a big silly que. luckily tho, the bouncers came out and told everyone that boys didn't get in unless they were with girls, so loads of loser lads who were out to molester teenage girls to the sounds of rhianna left the line and we were in there in no time.

we hit the 'cheese' room first. i quite liked it 'cos it was like reflex. i shook my bum and waggled my finger to whintey, gloria gaynor, queen and some other pre-90's choons.

then it was time to move to the ballroom.

it's not called the ballroom because they play ballroom music; more because it is actually a ballroom.

there, they placed your generic fast dancey rnb radio one hits and everyone loves it. i thought it was okay. a lot of boys kept coming up to the girls and crotching their bums but we fended them off whether the girls wanted us to or not.

the rest of the night is a blur really. i remember them playing about a fifteen minute mix of 'indie' music. it was basically the choruses of don't look back in anger and wonderwall, all of song 2, the 'do do do's' of that fratellis song (you know which one) and sex on fire mixed together. that was honestly my musical highlight of that room. apart from that, it was just full of james putting his arms around me, ju and joe and shouting "we're the boys! we're the boys!!"

when i was too fucked, i rounded up some people to go the kebab shop and we got chips and then met everyone else out of the club. ju kicked james' kebab out his hand and a very upset and drunk james uden dusted it off and finished it in a sulk. after that we got a cab home and went to bed around four.

i had fun and it was nice to celebrate my favorite asian's birthday.

yay!

my mate julius

2010-05-18T07:05:00.001-07:00

shit me! sammy small's birthday

2010-05-16T03:23:00.000-07:00

after a day at uni editing our video, i hit home and had myself a cheeky dinner of burger and chips. then, in what felt like no time at all, we found our kitchen full of pre-drinkers getting pissed in preteration for sammy small's birthday house party bananza.

it was obviously mega packed (like every house party in epsom ever) but it was a laugh. i'd like to tell you about some key moments but i don't feel like i can; it all just blurred into one. everyone hung out with people they don't see that much at uni (me: rosa, that sammy girl with the carmel cigarettes, layll; elly: sammy small, other generic good looking fashion girls; james uden: laura suttle (BOOM!)) and got pretty drunk.

but then there was this moment. it's about half one at this point, that i realize the attendance faded to just to kids who are on drugs and won't be able to stop dancing for at least another three hours. so i gather up all my homies to go back to my house and hang out, we were all just hanging out there anyway, so we might as well have just done it sitting down and with less shit music.

i go out to find joe, and there he is; on some patio furniture, head between his legs, throwing up. on russell's shoe may i add. i laugh and insist we all go home. me and james carry joe out of the party through the gap in the fence to the street.

but somehow, and from somewhere, everyone finds this new amount of energy inside them. everyone also realizes they are pissed. i was so pissed. and before i know it i'm pushing someone in an office chair down hook road, and ju is giving out trolly rides.

elly made this collection of short videos, the last ones from the trolly she was riding about in. i hope none of my family see these. it's proper 'sudents gone wide', 'teenage binge drinking britain'. i just don't know where it came from.

it's a good watch mind:

tess isn't in these videos as she left early; absolutely drunk with some boy she didn't remember bringing home or sleeping with (we're still not sure) when she woke up the next morning.

winner. x

who do you want to win the world cup?

2010-05-10T03:49:00.000-07:00

i'm aware it's been a while. i've not been particularly busy or anything i just haven't felt the need. i'm not sure why. i'm a touch low on motivation at the minute, which makes me feel like i'm just powering through uni until first year ends in june.

so what's happened since i last blogged? i defiantly remember going to a house party at tash's because i have a video of this monstrosity on my phone:

gross. someone told me they could see her fanny and everything. pulling that dress up pretty high she was. ahh, the stuff people do for attention.

after that, i went home at some point (yeah again) for about a week. i didn't get up to much bar organizing all of the records and cds i've accumulated into alphabetical order into my new shelfing i got to house them all. me and ebay are getting on a bit to well at the minute. james uden and alex went to banquet records the other week but i was too ill to go with them. so i decided i was allowed to spend as much money as them but on the internet. no belly problem was making me miss out. other than that i just hung with fi and stu and my mum and my brother and mowed the lawn and ate good dinners and went out for this nice family dinner and got drunk in the tav on bank holiday.

so i'm back here now.

the day after i came back, everyone in the house did the politically empowering thing of voting for the first time.

when we got back we all watched the alternative election on channel four and drank beer. lovely night in. oh how we laughed; the come dine with me special was particularly excellent.

then, after a couple of boring days doing work i got back to uni on monday. and what a day it was. at the weekend my broadcasting group at uni 'shake that bear', made up of me, ju, alex, harley and james, made some vox pops in epsom, asking people who they thought was going to win the world cup. on monday we edited them together. i'm dead pleased with the result:

nice one. house party later.

"smell my fingers, i've been sick!"

2010-04-21T03:48:00.000-07:00

the first night out after easter was a good one.

we had pre drinks in joe's room before we hit spoons.

if you're in joe's room then at least one person is going to want to play fifa. so ju and james sat there shouting and swearing at the telly whilst we all got drunk.

hilariously tho, joe thought their reactions were so outrageous that he very sneakily turned his screen towards them and hit 'record video' on photobooth. the next day we watched back the video and cut it up into the best bits.

if you only watch one video on my blog in your life, it should absolutely be this one.

i've never laughed so much at my friends.

after ju had finished been racist towards the french, we all hit spoons and then boogie.

boogie was pretty lolz. it was daisy's birthday so she was para (so had matt, check this out). i spun the shot wheel for her and got her a tequila, salt lemon and all. she spilt a bit of it on her boobs tho, and i think i kind of felt responsible so for some reason i just wiped the back of my hand across her chest like i was helping her out. i didn't think me and daisy are close enough for that and i felt bit awkward, but she seemed fine with it and didn't treat me like a molester. nice one, i'm gonna grab her tits every time i see her from now on.

the night carried out with its general boogieness. shit music, same old people. i stayed in the smoking bit for most of it.

by about half one i was ready for home. daisy had made herself sick by this point and kept us amused by asking if we wanted "to smell her fingers"; and james uden had had to have a poo in boogie which made him very upset. boogie lounge toilets got loads of action that monday.

me and joe walked home with james and made burger sandwiches about half one.

on the way home we picked up some more drinking trophies.

my easter holiday in nuneaton

2010-04-19T02:01:00.000-07:00

the day after the house party i returned to my hometown of nuneaton for a two and a half week break from all things uni related.

it wasn't supposed to be a complete break from uni, i had work to do and stuff but lets face it when have i ever done my work when i'm at home.

i didn't do a great deal with my time off honestly, but i kind of liked it that way.

i did some jobs for my mum, bought a shelf for my records that i intend to put up all by myself like a real man, went on a couple of nights out, got a bit drunk, went to to hospital again for my belly, watched a bunch of films and played a fair bit of guitar hero with stu. i'm so good at the beatles game on drums now i am certain i could take on ringo.

also i threw fi a birthday party to celebrate her 23rd. after hitting asda (on a saturday, people everywhere, ugh!) with a hangover to buy beer and party food, i got back home in time to watch my mum decorate the cake she made for fi. very stressful.

i thought it would be nice if philippa guest wrote this bit as it's about her really isn't it.

"So I kind of had a inkling that Jones was planning something for my birthday. however, like most people would, I was expecting it on my birthday. To make the surprise even more surprising, and because easter weekend seemed to be the only time in the next forever that everyone would be available and in Nuneaton, Jones through me a surprise party at his house on easter Saturday.

I knocked on the door, and Jones was incredibly quiet, so I started babbling about needing to brush my teeth to fill the silence. So Jones said "look just stop talking and go in the kitchen”

Yes sir!

So I stopped talking and went in the kitchen to find Buswell, Hancox, Gilchrist and Ayres, which was a very lovely treat.

After “Surprise!”, I went and brushed my teeth, and then proceeded to party with a complementary box o’ wine from Jones and lots of cakes as more people turned up.

We kept intending to play drinking games but it didn’t really get going, no one else seems to love the vegetable game as much as I do. Instead I pretty much drained my box o’wine, which I am going to blame on Miss Buswell after she threw a large amount of it all over Jones in a drunken sham. Which was good really because Jones hadn’t washed his jeans in about 6 years and now he had no choice. Ha! We put Hancox’s ‘Nags playlist’ on spotify, Ayres snogged Olner, we pulled some poses for the camera and then everyone left to walk home in the rain about 1ish.

It was very lovely having some drinks with everyone together, although it was not a full on rave (there were no drugs, and most of us don’t smoke, not even camels) that’s the way I like it. In conclusion, Jones is the best boyfriend ever (he told me to say that)."

nice one fi.

another fun night was ellie sidwell's birthday. definitely my fave reflex visit this holiday.

ellie got this massive wine glass full of cherry lambrini...

but she was quite dancy and drunk and sadly, for me, she spilt it...

but it was cool and we had fun.

i came back to epsom with a heavy heart on the 18th. the minute me and joe were both back we played fifa.

oh how i have missed fifa.

we had a house party...

2010-04-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

we were pretty worried.

it was honestly only organised because me and joe talked about it briefly and then the next day i had the morning off uni, so in my boredom i made a bookface event page.

that page looked like this:

suddenly it's the day before and we have loads of people saying they're coming and we're proper scared our house is gonna get fucked up. we always just hear about parties and then turn up regardless if we know anyone; so what if people do that and they're dickheads and they burn our kitchen down and wipe there dicks on our tea towels? WHAT IF!?

honestly tho, it was all okay.

whatever, loads of people we barely knew turned up and we got some glasses broken, but other than that i can't complain.

we got back from buying our booze from sainsbury's and then we cleaned the house so people didn't think we were skanks who lived in filth. seems kind of pointless when you think about how messy the house got by the morning but whatever.

so after that, me and joe just played fifa for agezzzzzz. people like to be fashionably late to these things; no one wants to be first there. at about 10 o'clock, our immediate group of friends turned up and we played ring of fire. soon after, some of our less immediate friends arrived, still friends mind.

prior to this party, i had decided it would be half party, half gig. i was to play an acoustic set, as was lyle and alex.

so when a good few people turned up we moved to my bedroom and whoever wanted to join us could come and watch. thankfully, quite a lot of people did.

first alex played:

then me:

and then lyle.

it was pretty fun and everyone took notice, which i really appreciated; nothing worse than people talking over live music. alex sang with his eyes closed like he meant it, i played some well awkwardly personal songs and ended with a cover of parklife with joe allam doing the phil daniels bits; and lyle danced along to his covers of lovely pop songs.

success.

after that the group that was in my room headed downstairs to see what was going on. by then a fuck ton of people had turned up.

also by this time, i was mega, mega pissed.

(displayed in this video. it's a great watch)

but sadly the night wasn't to continue running as smoothly as it was. it suddenly came to our attention that one of the guys who was involved in the kicking in ju got a couple of weeks ago was there. so full of beery confidence, i told the guy to get out of my house. sadly he wouldn't go quietly and started to argue. the main thing i don't get about that is that i don't see how he thought it would help. like i was gonna say "oh yeah man, i completely see your point. i'm gonna kick ju out instead of you!"

prick.

so after him telling us he "wasn't like that" and we should leave him alone, we told him it wouldn't make a difference and it's time he left. then, he made himself look like the biggest dick. after he told us for ages that he was sound and it was a misunderstanding, he fully contradicted himself.

HE PUSHED JOE ALLAM.

no one pushes joe allam. seriously. you should all feel like you know him by now (he is featured in pretty much all of my blogs) and he is a hero. you do not push joe allam.

this is joe allam:

you do not push joe allam.

the end. anyway, i think he realised the seriousness of what he did and then he left.

after that, the night was drunk, fun, loud, stress free and very, very busy.

we had everyone there!

graphics boys:

wanky art school kids:

girls that joe allam has got off with:

mika:

hell, even that emily girl that got kicked off big brother a couple of years ago for saying nigger was there(!):

(RACIST)

but most importantly, it was full of my mates:

so anyway it was fun. we wound down about 5. then me, elly and joe had a cheeky hangout before we went to bed.

and then in the morning.

gosh!:

i did all the cans like i promised:

oh yeah, two trollies.

then about two o'clock i got on the train, definitely still drunk.

now i'm home in nuneaton. which is ace.

well, if you were at the party, i hope you had fun, i did.

i hope you all have a fun easter.

phillipa tatt comes to epsom pt.II

2010-03-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

from thursday until monday, phillipa has been living in my uni house and it's been pretty lovely.

here is a round up.

i met her at the station on thursday afternoon and then we had some tea. soon after, james and alex arrived for pre new slang drinks. that was nice.

we got a few beers down us then got the 10.15 bus. i was well excited as hot club de paris were playing and they are one of my favorites, but sadly the turn out was very poor and let the night down a bit. i guess a band won't play so super if there aren't a great deal of people there to watch. sad really, cos i love them and i kind of wanted another show like los camp! i blame the southerners, they ruin everything.

no harm done tho. we stayed for a couple of hours and had a dance and it was sweet.

james got mega, mega pissed and joe and frazz had fun with the big screen thing you can send texts to.

we got a cab home about half oneish and paid silly money cos we had an odd number of people.

the morning after i had to pop into uni to sort some stuff out; work deadlines, my absence, ect. my tutors were ace about everything that had been going on, but i kind of exploded at the woman in the office when she asked for proof of my reason of absence among loads of other stupid things (forms. forms can fuck off). i might have over reacted when i ripped my form up and called her a 'fucking idiot' but who cares? not me, that's who.

i popped back to see my tutors and informed them that the lady in the office was a bitch and that 'i have no time for bull shit' (i'm very busy and very important you see).

after i got back and fi calmed me down, we walked to hmv to get some films. i'd been craving some good old fashioned robin williams so i got jumanji and jack. we watched the latter that afternoon and then i made us a mega chinese style dinner.

we hit the charity shops on saturday and got loadzz of stuff. i got like 6 records (including ziggy stardust for just two pounds) which made me happy.

then we had a late spoons lunch and hit home for an afternoon sodku, crossword and come dine with me session. later we had a sandwich and enjoyed the johnny cash biopic 'walk the line.' i thought it was super and have been singing cash's cover of it ain't me babe in the lowest voice i can ever since.

they are sweet aren't they.

sunday was sooooooo lazy. as the clocks went forward, we technically got up in the afternoon. but i'm not bothered. james popped round for a bit to use our internet cos halls' server went down and he well needed it. i didn't mind at all, and to show his gratitude he bought me a right-wing sunday newspaper and gave fi some of his donuts. after he'd gone, phillipa cooked scrambled eggs. then we watched jumanji and acted generally very in love.

(check out mary-jane! she's like twelve. feels wrong that last week me and joe rewinded the scene in spiderman where she's in the rain and you can see her boobs. trust me, you can. we checked).

later, after dinner, we went spoons with everyone for a few and got to bed about half twelve-ish.

monday morning i walked her to the station not feeling to sad as we'll both be home for easter by friday.

there you go. now you must feel like you were there!

i'm a bit scared about the next blog post. as it will have the details of our house party we're having. i've been to these house parties at uni and sometimes they end up messy. i hope the microwave doesn't get stolen or anything.

'till then. x

where were we

2010-03-27T04:03:00.000-07:00

i can't remember.

fuck it.

we went out on a monday night. a monday at some point in time and it was a good'n.

spoons was welll packed. there was so many of us out and it made the night a little bit.

HERE IS A VIDEO:

i knew everyone there and it made me feel nice for a bit. a pretty funny bit was when i was asking joe where this girl he got off with recently was. then everyone pissed themselves 'cos apparently she was sitting next to me.

OH HOW WE LAUGHED.

after spoons, we naturally hit boogie. although sadly, ju was still banned. so he told us he'd head to this house party we'd heard about, text us if were any good and meet him later.

so i'm in boogie and i text him to see if he's having fun and i get a phone call about five minutes later.

"bobby, i got jumped. some cunt and his mates stamped on my head."

"fuck my life julius. we'll probs be down soon. i'll see you later"

"don't worry mate i'll be alright. bit funny really."

fuck knows where he finds comedy in these things.

i inform james and we head down to the party. joe was pretty intent on us going to the party. (i think a girl was involved; bless).

WE ARE AT A PARTY:

it got a bit late and the party was actually a bit wank. i don't quite understand what the difference between standing in a packed space, unable to move or really talk to people and a party is. anyways, we walked home about three? four? i don't even know what time it is by now.

WE WALKED HOME:

then we invited everyone from number ninety four, plus james and ju in for chips.

stayed up till four and ju slept in the hallway.

i pretty much wanted to die the next day. i couldn't even go shopping i was go hungover. thank god i didn't have uni.

that night we took it easy and watched american pie.

it wasn't as good as i remember it.

oh my...

2010-03-20T04:21:00.001-07:00

romance is boring

2010-03-16T10:21:00.000-07:00

one thing i missed out of my last blog post was the photo shoot i did in my house last week.

our brief for our imaging project was to make a record cover.

now, remember at school when they'd fob you off with that in art or even music and you'd be really annoyed cos it's super irrelevant to anything you're doing within the subject and within life itself. well i felt like that at first.

then we had this lecture about how if you're doing an interview with someone, the magazine you are writing for won't always send a photographer with you, even if they want a picture of that person on the day of the interview.

for this reason, it is useful to become competent in photography, art direction and photoshop.

so to display we have learnt these skills, they told us to make an album cover.

i did romance is boring by los campesinos! which actually looks like this:

i think that is actually a bit gash. the only thing i like about it the bedspread.

so i went with the theme of romance actually been boring and created a narrative of a couple doing something everyday couples do, but looking bored with it. pretty predictable really but i like to think it worked.

tess and james were my couple becuase they are pretty much the best looking people i know at uni. hell; in the world!

plus we had a fun day shooting pictures in my house.

(click on the images to see them properly as they are a bit to big for blogger)

LOADZZZ OF PIXXX

looooooong legs

james loved it. he just sat and read for like an hour.

note how in to it i get in the videos. like a real photographer man. "look this way, pout, be a tiger."

MORRRRE PIXXX

the front ended up looking like this:

and the back like this:

and i'm actually quite pleased with how it's turned out. mad props to joe allam for helping me set up shots and use his camera. and to tess and uden for sitting around for ages.

if you'd like to read my critical analysis on my album cover and how it demonstrates awareness of music and lifestyle/image history, current music/image trends, and print or broadcast media markets, do let me know and i'll send it right over.

eezer goode, eezer goode

2010-03-10T13:20:00.000-08:00

i have not blogged in over two weeks and i do not like it one bit.

especially as said two weeks have been quite eventful. emotionally and logistically, i have been up and down and around and around.

first i'll mention that about three weeks ago i went to a house party, where michael's boat to row acoustic thing played. it was well nice to see him and ben, especially on my turf for a change. after they played, i hung out with ben and it was lovely. we played everyone some of our classic summer set list we would always preform last year whenever there were guitars around.

GUITAR

the week after that i stayed in bed and watched films and felt pretty low. so then on FRIDAY 26th, after seeing blood read shoes with james the night before, i packed my bags and went back to nuneaton.

i'd been pretty much having a breakdown at uni, so it was good for me to go home. i saw stu and fi and it was pretty relaxing. i didn't really want to go back to uni but my mum made me.

i had a huge argument/discussion/life sort out with fi on the phone on the TUESDAY i got back and after that i decided life wasn't going to be good unless i made it good.

so i worked really hard and got all of my outstanding work finished and handed it in the next day and felt good for the first time in awhile to be honest.

suddenly, it's THURSDAY and we're on the bus to kingston to see los campesinos! that was mega. they played so great and it was just fucking amazing. defo my favorite gig at new slang so far.

BUS

new slang is so great. it's put on by these guys who run an independent record shop in kingston, called banquet records, that pretty much everyone in the world loves. the bands they get are great, the club night afterwards is great and the record shop itself is great. alexi from jo fo was at the los camp! gig just hanging out, and after los camp played i had a little chat with the singer, gareth, and he said he'd do an interview with me for our uni zine thing. i mean what a hero. people like the guys at banquet and the bands they get to play are just super. there's no south london wankyness about it, nothing about been 'cool', just lovely people doing lovely things.

ANYWAY!

the gig was ace, as was the club night. one highlight was seeing tess kissing like three boys she didn't know and couldn't remember afterwards 'cos she was mega mega pissed. gross.

then, when we left, joe insisted we go to this kabab shop that ended up been closed.

no one was impressed. then it took us agggeeezzzz to find a cab. which was bullshit. i got well cold/bored.

TAXI

(this video shows how fucked tess was...actually all of the videos show that)

KITCHEN

then elly took this video...

...to get tess back for this from a couple of months ago:

oh i do love my videos. they must bore the fuck out of everyone that's not in them.

on SATURDAY, we were back at the same venue for the d.a.n.c.e club night the girls wanted to go to. i, on the other hand, was there for the end of tour tubelord gig in the little room upstairs. they played on the floor in the corner of the room; no barrier, no stage. as tubelord are from kingston everyone was fully loving it. alexi from jo fo was there again with his mega butch gross girlfriend and (like the los camp! show) it made me feel really good about independent music. tubelord we sick and the sound was surprisingly good even tho it was proper makeshift.

TUBELORD

i got the bus home cos i saw far too many g-star raw jeans and skinny ties at the club night for me to want to stay. i was to tired for it all.

although saying that, i got back, had a cup of tea and ended up been completely unable to sleep. so i ended up hanging with elly and frazzle, from number 94, in the kitchen till like five in the morning. mental.

i got some pretty bad news (as if i could get anymore) on MONDAY night but went out anyway. i had a cry into elly's lap for a bit and had an hour or so by myself, but i decided i wasn't in the mood for lying awake alone in my room weeping to pedro the lion; so pub it was. the night was pretty okay considering my mood. it was 90s night at boogie (ironic as everyone out couldn't go clubbing in the 90s) so they played fun songs like it's like that by run dmc and even ebeneezer goode.

big choons.

the next day i went home.

today is WEDNESDAY. i'm at home nursing my cold and hanging with my mum. i love my mum. she's the best. if you love your mum and think she's the best, i suggest you ring her tonight and inform her because it's important.

"you fuckin' cunt. love you"

2010-02-21T16:56:00.000-08:00

a couple of weeks ago (i believe just an hour or so before our roxanne/bad romance session in my room) joe popped around to frazzle's house after boogie and stole a loaf of his bread.

frazzle then left this answer phone message:

lolz x

"i fucked your dad last night"

2010-02-20T02:00:00.000-08:00

the night after we went to that party where alex was off his tits, we went to another party. boogie lounge is probably pretty angry with us right now.

this party was mega packed as the girls who organized it advertised it on facebook like it was a gig in your home town that no one wants to go to, but you've accepted the request on facebook so you kind of HAVE to go, cos you'll seem rude to your friends who are playing, but you don't want to reallyyy, but you'll go.

i got both of those like three times.

"we've got booze!!!"

hilariously though, it wasn't one of those events and loads of people went. you could literally barely move in the house, so we just went to the garden; where it was as equally hard to move.

whilst out there, i met this girl who was well pissed, possibly on drugs, and who kept touching my hood and jacket, slurring to me that i had a really good look.

this is what i remember:

girl: "heyyy you alright? do you want some champagne?"

me: "i would love some, where did you get that? pretty elaborate drink to bring to a party"

girl: "i stole it out someone's room. i know that's sad, but you know. i think if you leave your

room open you deserve it, someone's gonna have it so it should be me. do you have a lighter?"

me: "i guess sooo. umm no i don't smoke, sorry"

girl: "you don't smoke?"

me: "haha no. bit of a waste of money in my eyes"

girl: "what about a camel!? (pulls out a camel cigarette, waves it in my face) you haven't lived if you've never smoked camel, it's amazing"

me: "hey, i'm sure it is. but i just don't see it. it's not like it does anything for you, like alcohol or drugs. not that i do drugs"

girl: "you don't do drugs!!?!"

me: "nope"

girl: "what do you do all day?"

me: "all day? surely you can't do drugs allll day"

girl: "you can. i did (cool new legal drug) methodrone before i left the house this morning"

me: "right. nice one"

after that the conversation was mainly based around how much of a slut she is.

then she introduced me to this guy who she said was her best friend. she said they had an a-sexual relationship. "we don't fancy each other, he's gay; but we love each other" then they started kissing really weirdly, touching each other. it was pretty awkward so i just walked off after that. she was a laugh though.

then we were talking to this other cool kid who was on some kind of tranquilizer or who was just plain retarded, 'cos she was a massive tool.

we were all loving the banter, taking the piss out of each other left right and centre and then she looks at me all sultry in the eyes and goes:

"i fucked your dad last night."

my heart dropped. i couldn't believe she wanted me to burn her this badly.

"haha, i'm pretty sure that's not true," i say as i try to write it off.

"you dad....he was hanging out the back of me last night"

"well; umm, well my dad is dead." i rebut, completely unable not to make a fool of her.

she looks at me like i'm full of shit. starts giggling a bit, like i've only said it to get her back, so i start laying it on thick.

"no, honestly. he died at the end of november last year. i spoke at his funeral. i'm been absolutely serious. so i'm afraid you couldn't have had sex with my dad last night. i doubt ever really."

she stops. looks so embarrassed that i almost don't enjoy how much of a special burn it was. everyone is proper quiet and she just doesn't know what to do next or where to look.

i walk back over to ju who is sporting a full blown cheshire cat grin whilst producing the foundations of a low five.

"nice one bobby."

then we made a video. when don't we make a video. we always make a video.

open/close

2010-02-16T11:14:00.000-08:00

the other tuesday i came home from uni to joe informing me he had to make a video.

this is clearly a lot more fun than doing my own work so i offered to help.

after coming up with loads of stupid ideas to fit his brief of a five minute video using everyday objects, we settled on the open/close theme.

when we finished that, we went to go and get my new bank card and then i marched straight in to ryman's and bought a printer. i shouldn't be allowed to look after my own money.

fun day for me and joe.

nice one jallam. x

gurn baby gurn, starring alex cull

2010-02-15T12:19:00.000-08:00

yesterday i was in a mega bad mood.

i had a lovely nice weekend with fi (valentine's weekend, we went out for a steak dinner and she bought me a book i was dying to read) but when she went back to northampton i was left acting pretty arsey.

i'm not sure if it was the fact fi had gone or my lack of sleep but i was acting like a moody wanker. apparently i upset elly and tessa by been a prick and joe seemed a bit on edge whist we were playing fifa due to my angry and unpleasant attitude.

thus, i wanted to go out and get really drunk.

me and joe met ju and james at spoons and began operation get fucked up. alex and katarina joined us after a bit (they'd been banging) and we headed over to the marquis for karaoke and then to native tongue for the jam night. we didn't get involved in either karaoke or the jamming but still had fun spectating.

during our stay at native tongue, alex and ju disappeared to get drugs. so until they came back we hung out and drank more beer. when they came back, ju informed us there was some party at these flats down the road from my house. so we got some beer and walked over.

sadly i'm a massive idiot and dropped my bottle of beer and cut my thumb pretty bad. it bled loadzzz which made me look really hard but it was just a scratch really.

the rest of the night was spent at this party. and i'm glad we went cos me, ju and james got in some proper male bonding time. we talked about everything and it was wicked. i love those guys man.

then we made a robjoneslefthome video to display actually how fucked alex really was:

mega lol x50!

we hit home about four and i spent the rest of the day feeling shite.

also, i didn't have any food at the house. so i needed to go shopping, but was too tired, but in order to not be tired i had to have food; and thus go shopping.

nightmare.

thankfully tho, big j dawgg allam came to sainsbury's with me and helped me get through it.

night one baby. another party again tonight apparently x

the abandoned west park mental asylum

2010-02-11T13:31:00.001-08:00

last week, after our imaging lecture with rob de niet; i was asked by ju if i wanted to accompany him, alex and uden to the abandoned mental asylum to have a look around. it was about two o'clock and i didn't have much better to do so i agreed to go along.

we got joel involved too, and then rang joe 'cos we knew he would want to come.

we set out with a vague idea of where we were going, but after walking for a half hour found ourselves by the woodcote halls; which isn't near any asylum.

we walked back into town to meet joe and his iphone that he promised would assist us greatly.

it did not.

but not to worry. we went to see the lovely taxi man who lives in the clock tower and asked him for directions. he sorted us out a treat. so along we walked again, with a much clearer vision of where we were heading.

a long stretch of road, two roundabouts and twenty minutes later we were walking down this eerie footpath with dead animals and overgrown trees around it. when we finally get to the end we see the sign for the institution and are well excited.

alas, they have security! so we can't go in and if we come back the police will be called. alex keeps going "yeah i've been to a couple before where they had security." oh good one alex, you could have let us know that so we could have gone around the back(!)

but it was okay. 'cos on the way we saw this abandoned house that used to be where the doctors who worked at the asylum lived.

so despite seeing the police on the way to the house (they went around the roundabout twice so they could drive past us and give us a good staring at) we jumped the grass verge and went in to the big cool scary house.

oooooooo

james was bricking it.

"listen guys i don't think we should go in."

"we're here now so let's just go"

bless him.

then, for some reason; james, alex and joel left myself, joe and ju behind and went home.

so when it was just us three left, we had a look in two rooms we hadn't been yet. while in the second one; ju flashed his light around and saw a man in a sleeping bag in the corner of the room!

he could have been dead or on crack or anything! how exciting.

so we ran away and then met up with the others in spoons and told them allllllll about it.

i felt like i was in the famous five or the secret seven or the goonies.

quite a fun day out.

i'd like a few more like that.

cooking with 60 upper high st.

2010-02-08T15:16:00.000-08:00

you will need:

coco pops
sainsburys basic mince
cheese and onion crisps
plastic cheese
lauren's home made marmalade
red sauce
tea leaves
spinach
white wine (left by some girls the day before)
honey
seasoning (whatever you like really!)
love
boredom
procrastination
stupidity

rooooxxxxaannnee!

2010-02-07T14:57:00.000-08:00

after my meat pie (chicken, with a lovely chicken gravy) i was ready as ever for a cheeky night out.

everyone hit ours for pre-drinks (everyone ever, we invited the world and their sisters making our kitchen really full) and then we went to spoons for a cheep couple before the now standard boogie lounge.

i say a couple at spoons, but i was only able to have one as tess got too drunk and i walked her home 'cos i'm a good person. she was mega para tho. all she could say on the way home to me was 'helllllo'. scary for everyone involved.

i was welcomed back to spoons by the rest of my john smith's. i downed that bad boy and then walked (slid, mega fun ice) to boogie.

we got there, we danced, it was crap, but it was good, but we knew it was crap.

I. AM. NOT. THIS. SHORT. I. BENT. DOWN. TO. BE. FUNNY.

it was pretty predictable but still fun.

afterwards, we made chips at home (with a chip pan to speed them up - bad call), dicked around for a couple of hours and didn't get to bed till gone four; a perfect excuse for me to miss contextual studies the next day.

update.

2010-02-07T02:48:00.000-08:00

from the day after joe was sick, i spent the rest of the week sorting out my uni life. just sorting new deadlines and stuff because i was away for a bit.

i went home for a week on the 19th and just did whatever i normally do at home.

i came back to uni on the 1st of feb with the intention of a new start.

also with an empty belly; but that was soon sorted by meat pie monday (new replacement of meatball monday)

joe allam; drunk as hell, sick as a dog

2010-01-15T04:47:00.000-08:00

so i came back.

it's not like i've been to uni yet, but i came back at least and that's a start.

after getting back sunday and going the pub, monday was spent shopping. so after draging one of our many trollies from the garden to sainsburys in order for us to push all of our shopping back to the house, we had lunch (as we now had food) and then napped.

me and joe played fifa and everyone came round for pre-boogie drinks about nine.

you've heard this story a million times; drinks at ours, spoons then boogie lounge, and that is pretty much the story of this particular night also.

but that's not such a bad thing. we all hadn't done this for ages so i guess it was pretty welcomed for a change. as it was the week most people came back from their christmas break, everyone was pretty up for loads and drinking and dancing and boogie was packed.

joe also got absolutely fucked by doing as many shots as he is feet tall. he fell over a bit on the way home and was sick on the kitchen floor.

hot stuff.

i had to clear it up but i think he was punished enough by not been able to eat anything all day.

events from the last few weeks.

2010-01-12T05:54:00.000-08:00

the past couple of weeks before i came back to uni were pretty fun.

the main fun events were the snow (and playing in it) and another helplines reunion.

a couple of tuesdays ago fi said she'd drop by mine around 6ish. but when it started mega snowing and she still hadn't arrived by 7, i began to worry that the icy conditions had taken my girlfriend from me. but she turned up about half 7 and didn't get what i was worrying about and told me not to be silly.

then we frolicked about in the snow, made a snowman and generally acted like we were really in love.

we called him wesley. although i wasn't completely convinced with fi's choice of nose for our freezing friend (she was art director, i was the muscle. yeah the muscle) i realised it was the right choice and gave him a huge amount of character.

the next night we were at the tav with all of our friends. mike played his acoustic boat to row stuff and my oldish band helplines played after.

my pedals kept breaking but other than that it was fun.

nice one bruva.

fuck the south

2010-01-09T03:23:00.000-08:00

today i'm going back to uni and i really don't want to.

there are many reasons behind this.

the fact that i've been away from it all for more than a month, which is almost as long as i have been there in the first place; i've got a larger amount of work outstanding because of my absence than i have already handed in in the weeks i've been there, that fact that i don't want to go back, the fact that i hate wanky southern art school kids with the personality of dazed and confused and are ultimately 'cool; yah?!' and the fact that i'm probably not very good at my course anyway....which brings me to my next point.

if i'm shite then why bother at all. i'm just wasting time when i really and quite realistically have more important places to be. why spend three years trying to be a south london tosser and doing a degree building up a silly dream of getting a good job and not having to work at netto, when at the end of the degree i'll simply not be good enough for the city and i'll have to work at netto. why don't i just go work at netto now? all i'm doing is gaining indie points and you can't take them with you when you're dead. god doesn't own any cds on touch n go or by stricken city.

but then again, if i am amazing at the course and get all the right connections and work my way up and up and up and up and up; this pretty much means i'll never live in my hometown again and i'll take for-granted all the simple but amazing things in life whether i want to or not. i'll actually BECOME one of those south london wankers who thinks the sun shines out of their clamidia stained penis and that they are infinitely better than everyone else just because they know someone form shitdisco.

so what am i going to do.

stay home (home is nuneaton. nuneaton is in the midlands. you know, like near cov? yes it is above the m25. oh okay you don't care) and just get any job going and look after my mum and spend time with the friends i have here but who are definitely getting sick of me and moving on to other alternatives.

or do i continue with what i had chosen to do in the first place and only think about myself. finish uni and live in a basement flat or a squat with arseholes who steal your food and eat mdma for breakfast, live with no money just so i can live in the overrated dog kennel catwalk that is 'the big smoke'. ignore everyone and simply become a dick and buy into my own sense of cool, then just be completely ignorant of the day i get a phone call telling me that my family are dead and have to ask someone who used to be friends with peaches geldoff if i can stop going down on them for just a couple of minutes so i can absorb it all in and have this exact epiphany that has been displayed egomaniacally and over-exaggeratedly in this blog that no one reads.

i fully don't know.

that is all.

fuck the south.

so this is christmas and what have you done.

2010-01-03T04:12:00.000-08:00

a fair bit actually john.

so it's the third day of the new year and a couple of weeks since my last proper blog entry.

since putting up those all important decorations for the festive holiday i suppose i have done an awful lot.

a lot of drinking. just loads. i got a real taste for beer this december and i completely blame james olner for this. his major acceptance and co-operation in 'having another' has made me feel quite obliged when they call last orders. this 'why the fuck not, i haven't got to get up for anything good tomorrow!?' thought has been recurring more and more (you're internal voice swears because you are already drunk and mildly aggressive). other than that, i have stayed in bed and watched a lot of films. a lot of moping has been done post christmas week.

i spent christmas eve-eve drinking, dancing and sliding around on ice (fi fell over three times. she was a mess); and christmas eve been ill, drinking and wanting go the pub sooner than we did.

and christmas day. well christmas day was strange. we all got up and showered before we bothered with opening presents at around half eleven. the gifts we all got were wonderful. i got some real nice stuff. some dvds, a guitar shaped spatula, a bop-it (extreme 2), some books and my mum got me an nintendo DSi which i was completely not expecting but really pleased with and super grateful for.

after we cleared the wrapping paper away we went to my auntie julie and uncle nigel's house where we would be spending the afternoon and evening for dinner. me and nige went to the pub for a few beers which i enjoyed. he and my dad would go every christmas day (as well as a lot of other days in the year) and he said it meant a lot to him that i went with him.

after a lovely dinner with all the bits and bobs i've come to expect but not certainly not take for-granted, we chilled with a cup of tea and then i drove to stuart's to see his family and make sure he was still alive after his mega evening of drinking and been sick in his bed. he was okay, but his family were pretty unimpressed. i said my goodbye's and headed to fi's for our present swapping. she was pleased with what i got her (mainly sewing and kitting related stuff) and i was fully chuffed with the stuff she got me. we spent the rest of the evening playing trivial pursuit (on the wii, technology..) with her family and watching a michael mcintyre someone got for christmas.

me, fi and pretty much everyone else we know went to james' house and got well pissed on boxing day. we played loads of games, ate lots of his left over christmas cold meats and it was well fun.

in between christmas and new year; i went the pub and stayed in bed.

new year was at stu's house. i felt mega ill but just drank through it like i always do to put off feeling ill until the morning. we played sing-star, guitar hero, drank loads, played with stu's beer bong, carried this guy home who drank a litre bottle of whiskey and took lots of pictures.

new years day was a good'un. me and fi spent hours on the sofa and watched the taking of pelham 123.

watch it. john travolta is well bad ass in it. i really want to be him.

i'm going back to uni on friday the 8th and i don't really wanna go. i'm worried about leaving home all over again and i'm scared i've missed lots and they'll be talking about stuff i don't get and no one will like me anymore and i won't like it and i'll wanna come home and i'll miss fi and my mother and fi will dump me and i will kill myself really brutally.

see you in epsom, x

albums this year that were good

2009-12-30T16:02:00.000-08:00

blakfish - campions (hassle)

johnny foreigner - grace and the bigger picture (best before)

tubelord - our first american friends (hassle)

animal collective - merriweather post pavillion (domino)

the xx - xx (xl recordings)

owen - new leaves (polyvinyl)

dananananaykroyd - hey everyone! (best before)

brand new - daisy (dcg records)

slow club - yeah, so (moshi moshi)

the horrors - primary colours (xl)

step into christmas

2009-12-20T17:44:00.000-08:00

well, it's nearly here.

to prepare myself for the forthcoming festive weeks ahead, me and fi drove to epsom on monday so i could grab my guitar, a winter coat and some clothes that she left there. despite the fact i was unbelievably ill and therefore miserable, it was pretty alright.

the drive there wasn't as bad as it could have been and it was nice seeing everyone in my house, even if it was a complete shit tip. it was so filthy. like really; ewww. i got into my room to find a traffic cone in the middle of the floor that joe had deposited there after i left. that's what you get for giving him my room key for emergencies.

me and fi settled in for the night with pasta and mrs. doubtfire and then we saw everyone when they came 'round for pre-boogie lounge drinks.

it was good to see the boys and james gave me a super mix cd for christmas.

in the morning i was greeted by a shopping trolly that joe left in front of my door. that lad hey. you can't tame him!

i said my goodbyes and promised to return in january. the journey back went pretty quick. we listened to like five or six albums and chatted while philippa 'speed demon' tatt constantly did the minimum of ninety down the m1.

when we got in we had chips, watched the super mario bros film and i fell asleep.

the rest of the week has consisted of the pub (wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday and oh tonight too) and going to see where the wild things are.

go see it. it is super. it will make you happy. it made me forget my dad was dead for like 95 minutes.

that was all just the run up to the week that is the run up to christmas.

sooooo... today was decoration day.

oh the fun we have! i was been a bit of a scrooge and wasn't very helpful. but fi was so it all got done.

now to the pub. i know i'm starting early but i don't feel bad about it 'cos james has been out since one o'clock. then we're going to this christmas gig at the crew with old bands getting back together. umm, sounds familiar to something in the summer.

fundaysunday xx

if you're feeling sinister, go off and see a minister

2009-12-07T20:25:00.000-08:00

after spending the last week in bed, in a mood, in a suit or all three at once, i'll finally update you all on my life.

whist living in some kind of limbo from two mondays ago until the friday just gone, i feel i've procrastinated an awful lot. mainly for the reason that i haven't been doing anything useful. watching disney films (jungle book, dumbo, pinocchio, sword in the stone; not lion king), listening to my records i'd taken for-granted all summer long, spending time with fi, cooking as much as i would have at uni; anything to keep me busy really.

but the definition of procrastination is to pretty much do unproductive things in order to avoid doing something that needs doing, but is unattractive to you as an activity.

and i haven't got any activities to avoid.

apart from some uni work i never finished but have weeks and weeks to do it in, although i don't really care about it anyway as the idea of going back becomes less and less appealing everyday, i haven't got anything to do that would get me in trouble if i didn't do it.

this brings me to the limbo state i am in.

still in bed (and still moody; not in a suit), i'm blabbering on about fuck all because my life isn't interesting anymore.

i suppose i have been thinking a lot.

bad things happen to good people. you can work hard for years in order to sustain a good life for the people you love and yourself once your working life has ended, but just because you work hard and deserve it doesn't mean you'll get it. you can never say no to anyone and be extremely selfless for up to seventy percent of your day but it doesn't guarantee you a life smelling of roses. or whatever you like the smell of.

i think compared to a lot people, not just the mother teresa's and martin luther king jr.'s of the world but regular everyday people, i think compared to them i'm not a terrific person.

i'm cruel to fat people and don't have time for a lot of people i should maybe tolerate for the sake of there feelings. some people are helpful and selfless and kind and they are the people that don't have a bad word said about them. but for me they are the people that get in trouble with life.

so should i just not value the quality of life and bumble along selfishly and arrogantly, live till i'm one hundred without caring for anything because i expect i'll only get bitten anyway.

i'm going nowhere really. not with this. not with anything right now.

i don't really know what to think of things and i'm not finding myself thinking things i used to.

a sudden different outlook has taken over me and i don't quite know what to do with it.

i'll wallow in my self pity stained bed for a bit longer before i work it all out.

i me me mine

2009-11-28T03:00:00.000-08:00

i know this isn't very original now 'cos everyone has been doing it since ben ripped it off foals or something a bit ago. but i shall get involved to get out of writing an actual blog post of the last few weeks. to time consuming. to much to write.

i do everything ben does four months later anyway.

+ up

+ coming home

- why i came home

+ seeing my friends and beloved family

- moping

+/- not getting out of bed

- been a pretty big arsehole sometimes to people who i love and who love me

+ fi taking care of me

+ fi

- crying to let it be on the a5

+ tom ayres, james olner, stuart young, dan white, tom willet, lez and baz.

- more crying and moping

- feeling sorry for myself

- having reason to

+ the bealtes

+ ben taking to me again

- why he's talking to me again

- picking out unpleasant things for people

+ been simba

- been simba

- been heartbroken

- been scared

+ writing vague blogs for people that either know me completely or have no idea.

i swear there will be more blogs about crazy nights out, filled with drunken antics and videos of uni students acting like lunatics soon.

champion.

2009-11-18T06:19:00.000-08:00

well, after the drunken antics of the night previous, we couldn't see any reason why we shouldn't do it all over again!

after spending the day in bed and then realizing i had left myself twenty minutes to get ready and get to uni, i pulled my jeans on, got in my hoodie and jacket and briskly walked to uni with tess. i realized when i got outside i was still in my vest i slept in, but i didn't get to much shit for it; ju only called me a pikey about five times.

after uni me and joel went back to mine to work on our britpop presentation for next week and found some cracking videos of oasis while drinking tea.

i listened to blakfish for ages and then decided i wanted to be in a hardcore band, so i picked up my guitar and rocked out big style in my little room.

i got a text from alex telling me to get down his for nineish for pre house party drinks and drinking games. we did bullshit and ping pang pong (which got changed to sling slang slong, then ding dang dong). when i got to his i realized i'd bought two liters of mineral water instead of lemonade. luckily enough aine had a bottle of sprite i could have, but this still means i had a little bottle so lemonade to dilute half a bottle of vodka left over from halloween. no wonder i got so fucked.

we hit outside around half eleven but ended up waiting for ages 'cos alex and kellie were faffing around.

julius schiazza is my bloody hero. i want him in all of the videos i make.

sadly, the next video was never taken. we got to the party above halls but the girls whose party it is said it was all off and they're heading to cevans. i got there and bought a drink but i was so fucked by this point i could hardly walk with out stumbling all over the shop. so ju took the piss 'cos i 'can't hack it' (which is true, i couldn't), and i walked to the chippy and then home after giving my drink to elly.

elly and zoe got in not long after me. lauren was awake so the four of us sat in the kitchen and talked about relationships and trusting people and how i love love but elly is weary of trusting people and letting her own happiness be in someone else's hands and i said you have to do that or you won't be happy but elly thinks you can be just as happy with the love from your friends which made me feel like a massive bastard and then i was falling asleep so i went to bed and i've been here ever since.

i think i'm going for a cup of tea with katarina in a bit so i should really shower and sort myself out.

colon closed bracket; hearts and unicorns.

i got drunk and stole a traffic bollard.

2009-11-18T05:52:00.000-08:00

after a lovely weekend with philippa watching up at the cinema, spending copious amounts of time in bed and getting rained on; i returned to epsom with vengeance and a heathy thirst for a beer or two.

so, because we love mondays, a small group of my friends arrived at mine about nine o'clock for pre drinks, bullshit and ring of fire. good times.

we hit spoons about half ten and joe and elly did their first tequila shot ever. i think they enjoyed it.

we get to boogie about twelveish and it's absolutely abysmal. hardly anyone there at all and wanky music loud enough to make the bar bleed. so i hung out, convinced uden to move in with us next year and drank some more with hope the night would improve. joe found a mop in the smoking area and dicked around with that for awhile. the night got better but not the high standard of last week.

but what did make the night was the traffic bollard i stole from near our house.

i'm so proud of it. it's definitely me and joe's finest drinking trophy.

then we sat and joe chatted absolute shit for an hour while we cooked chips.

after chips it was time for bed.

then i bought grand master flash's greatest hits of the internet. i only realized that this morning. drunk purchases are fun.

nice one bruva. i'm very happy with the new addition to the house, but i am a bit scared the police are going to get me. everyone is saying they won't arrest me they will fine me; which is defiantly worse.

i'm dreaming of a white (vinyl) christmas

2009-11-10T14:00:00.000-08:00

i got really pissed the other night, and when i came downstairs looking like i wanted to kill myself, tess said to me "maybe this will cheer you up" and handed me a white box.

i knew exactly what it was.

after me and philippa committed the ultimate movie sin; watching a muppet's christmas carol in november, i extended my pre-christmas spirit by listing to my bright eye's christmas album i ordered about a month ago all day.

it made me so happy. i felt better for like a five minutes and then went back to been hungover, but those five minutes were euphoric.

yay!